I’m a singer-songwriter, that’s why I look like this,
My life is very serious, so don’t you take the piss,
It isn’t always easy when your heart is on your sleeve,
So listen while I bore you with my very latest peeve.

I used to be quite regular, but that was long ago,
I blame the lightning bolt which struck me in the arse, and so
Ever since that day my turds have had a funny glow,
- It wasn’t very funny at the time!

Some girl was trying to park her car inside this tiny space,
I said, If you can do that, girl, you can punch me in the face,
I don’t know how she did it, but I have to wear a brace,
- It wasn’t very funny at the time!

And did I tell you of the day, I got to meet the Queen?
If only they had warned me, I would not have eaten beans,
My bowel was uncontrollable, it was really quite obscene,
- It wasn’t very funny at the time!

Last month this may surprise you, I had hair down to my knees,
But I caught it in a blender when I bent my head to sneeze,
Now when I eat my Crème Broulé, it tastes like furry cheese,
- It wasn’t very funny at the time!

I found a little pussy, it was soft and slightly wet,
Imagine my delight to find the owner was a vet,
Before too long we fell in love, now I’ve got a wet vet to pet (groan),
- It wasn’t very funny at the time!

So now you’ve heard my tales of woe, it won’t be a surprise,
If the man that stands before you now is older – even wise,
I know you think it’s funny now, but I’m not telling lies,
- It wasn’t very funny at the time! (You can say that again…)
- It wasn’t very funny at the time!